I honor my ancestors power. I honor and feel thankful for their path. I honor them, as well, for all their trembling and sweeting because of fear, for all their tension because of hate, for all their desperate heart, their crying, their hiding because of shame, their efforts for not showing all of that, because, they did that from their inner power as well and all their decisions made possible that I am standing here.
Many of them didn’t survive no matter what they tried, but they didn’t fail, because I am here, remembering. Their presence is in me, in my cells, genes and soul. I am blessed with their experiences but I am not them, I am me.
My path is a plait of their presence and my own, physically, mentally and spiritually. I have also tremble and sweet because of fear, I have also hate and cry with a desperate heart. I have seen death and death have seen me. But all this experiences are not the only ones I have.
I have my dance, I go to trance, I give birth to the power songs, I make my journey, my own path. I am connected to nature.
I face the fear and let the fear move, I feel it, so I can grab it, dance it, transform it.
I face the hate and I let the hate move, dance, be expressed, transform it.
I face the desperate heart and embrace it, I became the Great Mother of this desperate heart, I hear it, I accept it, I care it and my heart recovers and nourish me back.
I let my breath be strong and present while moving in my own rhythm, I let my feelings of shame to be expressed and shame becomes inexistent.
Only the sadness, that has being present during all my path, remain. I don’t need to get rid of it or transform it. I need this sadness to cry enough, so after the cry I can feel this beautiful moments of relief. I need this grief to be ready to connect with others grief. Feeling sad is a strong instrument for recycling yourself, but also for recycling community.
You feel the sadness rising, the cry rising, is like an internal wave. This sadness is energy, a strong energy, and if we don’t live it through, that means we are having to stress ourselves so much to keep it unexpressed and then we carry this stress. When the same situation continues over the time, again and again, this stress transforms the sadness into other feelings as fear and hate.
As I have said many times before, crying is the body’s natural reaction in order to go over a situation that we need to go over. Crying is natural, a good things and nobody needs to apologize for that because it is not wrong, it is not a mistake. Through crying the body gets free from unnecessary stress and oxytocin gets liberate for giving us balance and a sense of calm/happiness. Crying is very important, is healthy and is necessary. Crying washes away what we don’t need to carry when, while crying, there is a loving presence supporting. Because of the absence of a strong community sense in now days society, in adulthood you get, most of the time, to be this loving presence to yourself. That is possible when you understand that the child you were is present in the now and needs the adult you are.
Sharing the grief and learning to support it, not denying it, not numbing it, is one form of respecting each others and creating a better society. Recovering the value for expressing sadness and grief is a very strong bridge to recover an authentic sense of community. The community can be very small as well, it can be just somebody that is fully present and supporting the other, a warm human presence that can give you the clear experience that your grief does matter and that your not alone with that.
In my mothers and fathers line it has being a lot of sadness among other feelings. Sadness was not allowed to be showed and the last generations became more and more weak. The weakness was expressed through violent and/or self-destroy behaviors. I am so thankful that life gave me the possibility, in early childhood, to connect deeply with somebody else’s ancestors line, a connection not from blood, but that was the one the rise me up as a baby and as a kid. The absence of a parental care was fulfilled in the most beautiful way for the person that took me into her arms and opens my senses and put me to remember my nature.
So, among other things, I do have my cry, I have cried my sadness and their sadness too. And in the process of discovering the art of grief and the power of its rituals, my cry became something much consistence and strong. My cry is the expression of a deepest sadness, is the expression also of your grief and the grief of the world. My grief, that is our grief, is a a song, a lament that recycle us.
I dive deep into the darkness, so deep that I nearly feel only my bones are left. I get lost in this darkness and stay and surrender completely to my vulnerability and the cycle can be born again. From this state of vulnerability I find the strength, for me, for our children, for as all, for our nature.
And yes, for some doctors that might be called depression or depressive state, but just think in the origin of the word, from the latin deprimere, press down, which is exactly what a person with depression needs, to get down to earth, down to own body. I have worked for over 20 years with this kind of issues, so I know is not at all as easy at it sounds, but I just wanted to point out how absolutely misunderstood is sadness and grief in now days society.
My option is to live intensively and true to myself so I can really see what’s going on and put myself in service of life. I am nature and, as nature, I cycle and recycle, so I will be fine. And if I let my body to come back to the rhythm of nature, every day, if I let my body to be in nature every day, this will hold me, guide me, protect me, support me.
Living your own truth, no matter what it is, is the only way to get empowered and that means facing all what is in you and embracing yourself as you are. It is not about telling to yourself ”you are perfect as you are”, because we aren’t perfect and don’t need to be. It is not either about telling to yourself ”you are beautiful”, because it really doesn’t matter how you look like! It is not that you have to love yourself first and then everything will be fine, I mean, let’s be careful with all this phrases, this can be even very overwhelming for many people that don’t have a clear sense of love in their bodies, for instance, if they didn’t get that experience in childhood or in case of trauma.
So, for me, the possibility is: you are who you are, not what you are supposed to be, you cannot impose to yourself to be like you ”should be” either. So, just start from the very person you are, searching what is really in you, giving value to your own experience and respecting your feelings, realizing that you might need help as we all need sometimes and you will make it. Specially, consider to get in clear touch with ”the beast” inside of you, because there is hidden your ancestral wisdom, there is hidden your inner power, the strength of your soul, the mysteries of life.